Girls are impressed by guys who don't try to impress them
Fuente
This is why bragging or showing off causes girls to lose interest. This epiphany made me realize it's about connecting with them and learning more about them, their goals, hobbies, past, etc.
The question isn't "How do I impress her?"
It's "Will she be a good fit for me? Can we have a good conversation with each other?"
It took me time to change my thought process from trying to impress her, to seeing does she fit into my life. I still haven't completely made the switch in mindset, but I'm getting there.
It also took me time to stop thinking about ATTRACTION, and start thinking about CONNECTION. In a conversation my focus isn't bragging or trying to convince her I'm cool anymore. It's instead trying to learn more about her.
If I'm confident, that will make her feel more comfortable with me.
But bragging will train my mind to think I'm not good enough, which leads to less confidence in future interactions with other girls and guys, who will then feel less comfortable with me.
This is one of the biggest things I've learnt that improved my social skills. Changing my thought patterns like this is a lot harder than learning a conversation technique. But it has much better results.
Comentarios destacados
white_disc_4_holes (▲ 197)
I always felt that the concept of "impressing girls" is like tricking them into thinking that you're awesome, rather than actually being awesome. Because it literally means you're going out of your normal routine to do something, which makes it fake.
Joe_Doblow (▲ 27)
You can do both. For example being awesome and having an impressive vehicle. The difference is you don't say "hey look at my cool car" all cocky and stuff, the key is to be nonchalant yet impressive. It's ok to try to be impressive if you can be nonchalant or indirect about it. It's when you make it obvious that it becomes tacky/turn off.
Like say you have a dope house. Going out of your way would be like posting a picture of your house and saying "I paid $700k for it." Tacky. But taking a picture sweeping the floor in your dope house is not going out of your way to show off but you're low key flexing because your house is in the background.
GoodRedd (▲ 1)
So just be awesome. To add substance: it's critically important to know what about you is actually impressive, and what isn't. That doesn't mean you have to brag. If someone thinks you're bragging, it's definitely not working. If you don't know whether or not it's working, it's not. Ask for feedback.
Helipilot22 (▲ 155)
Treat them as friends, not objects to crave. Yes they're gorgeous, admit that. Take an interest in their life, their experiences. If they're closed off, then find one more open. Building trust is a key. Many people these days are only out to use people for their own gain.
LawdyHowLayLooYa (▲ 8)
I follow this entrepreneur who always posts screenshots of his tinder convos. They are always super simple and not even very flirty. He'll say something like: "You look like fun. What are you looking forward to most this week?" And I'm always surprised at how great the responses are. He establishes that he's attracted and then rolls up his sleeves and goes right to business.
Helipilot22 (▲ 28)
To no fault of their own most of the time. Sometimes it takes a few infatuations to break them out of the cycle. Because in those infatuations they imagine more than just the addictive act of sex — they start seeing glimpses of the future. But the thought of being turned down creates so much unneeded anxiety. Many men don't realize that most women can pick up on such subtle hints when their motives are ulterior in nature.
Shieldless_One (▲ 18)
Except women don't have sex with their friends. They like to go out and find the fun sexual guy that excites them.
Ninnino07 (mujer) (▲ 6)
I feel like maybe you're missing their point. What they're saying is that you should try and see women as actual human beings with interests and thoughts just like yourself. Nobody's saying: don't flirt, just that trying to impress women because you see them as someone to sleep with might not be the best approach.
[deleted] (▲ 24)
Don't be interesting, be interested.
Don't think about whether someone likes you, but rather about whether you like them.
Plebe-Uchiha (▲ 32)
Someone who is comfortable doesn't go out of their way to prove that they are comfortable. They just are. Same with confidence or anything.
Someone who is confident doesn't go out of their way to prove they are confident, they just are. If you know, you know, and don't feel a need to find validation because you know.
Vivaciousbeans (▲ 15)
I think confidence can be a fake it til you make it sorta thing. Sometimes inside my brain there's nasty thoughts, but a bigger part of me knows chin up, shoulders back, and rock this shit.
Surajholy (▲ 22)
After simping for a few years, now getting girls is easy. This is what I did: Focus on your goals. Do your own thing. Treat them like your sister. If they throw a tantrum, walk away. Be direct and tell her what you are looking for. Be direct and have no fear.
Few months ago, a woman I was interested in stopped calling and texting me after I told her I like her. After 4 months, she called. We met and had a great time. She needs you more than you need her. Never accept bullshit from them.
Simp_Master1 (▲ 53)
I'm sorry but if you don't flirt with girls, they will just view you as a friend. Simply asking interview questions and getting to know them isn't enough. Girls want a guy that sparks her emotions and you can't do that by asking her basic questions.
DopeMeme_Deficiency (▲ 8)
Women are also attracted to men who compete and win in competitions of status or ability among other men.
shaggy1452 (▲ 8)
I would expand and say it's not "what can i do to impress her" as much as it is, "are the things that i do impressive?" Like the fact that you can deadlift 500lbs might not impress her, but the fact that you go to the gym every day no matter what is impressive. It's not what can i brag about doing to impress her, it's have i done enough impressive shit that it will just speak for itself.
LeMaik (▲ 24)
The best example for this is the guys that are like "how do i talk to GIRLS?!!!!" As if talking to a girl is different to talking to anyone else in any way. Just talk and try to connect, no matter the gender.
white_disc_4_holes (▲ 22)
Man I have difficulty starting to talk with anyone when there is no context. If I'm at the gym or uni, there's something common to talk, but not anywhere else. I don't know what words I need to spit out. What do I SAY?!
LeMaik (▲ 7)
Try commenting on something they're wearing (not creepy, just normal conversation) — "cool shirt" and you're in already. They'll say "thanks" and if that's it, that's it. Don't put pressure on yourself to make it more. Also bus stations are good places to start talking. Don't think "woah i didnt say anything for 2 minutes, now its weird to start talking again" — I promise it's not. The ice is already broken. Just go for it.
WalidfromMorocco (▲ 15)
Alright, but presenting yourself as a friend will get you a first class ticket to the friendzone.
MakeSail (▲ 7)
When I think about how I interact with an interested woman, I have never felt the need to impress her. Who taught you that in order to have sex with a woman you need to impress her? This is a very old fashioned notion.
It is important to understand that conversation with an interested woman is not just words, much of the communication is nonverbal. Words are important but not as important as nonverbals in making a connection.
The basic progression to sex with an interested woman is as follows: Emotional Connection, Trust, then Intimacy. You need to understand her as a person and identify her needs (desires) before you can understand what you would want out of a relationship, if anything. So there is purpose to conversation, it is just not banter, or small talk.
devjohnson13 (▲ 4)
I make them too close of friends. I already have enough girl friends I don't need anymore. It's made me "one of the girls" and I'm not about that shit.
WalidfromMorocco (▲ 4)
You have the right mindset. True friendship with a girl can be really fulfilling. OP's advice is really bad because it will turn you into a frustrated gremlin later on. When a woman thinks "this guy seems like a decent guy and would be a good friend", there's no coming back from that.
pancakebirdpowder74 (▲ 6)
Us women literally could give two shits about money, fancy cars, anything impressive like that. It's like an "Oooo that's cool" but if we don't actually connect with you then it isn't going to work out. I've been saying "treat girls like they're human" and not like a conquest, we don't have a friendship meter, we just wanna see that you're genuine and we want to know about you.
MrHelloBye (▲ 2)
If you are impressive, you need not perform displays to impress. What's most impressive is restraint, confidence, self love, not compromising who you are for anyone. Putting a girl on a pedestal and doing a mating dance is advertising that you're lacking in those.
Exquisite_skeleton (mujer) (▲ 2)
As a woman, I agree. There isn't a turn off as a man bragging about his success. I have been impressed by those who treat me with chivalry (genuine one, not acted up) and how they have worked hard to get what they have (I admire a self made financially stable man rather than one that always had everything at home).
cyberpunk1Q84 (▲ 2)
You shouldn't be obvious about trying to impress a girl you like, but definitely try to impress her — just be subtle about it. Bragging is not seduction - it's ego and overcompensation.
Think of it like job hunting for your ideal job: getting your dream job is both about you impressing them as it is about them impressing you. You need to be able to demonstrate your genuine value effectively, and that takes practice and skill.
CicadaProfessional76 (▲ 1)
Every guy with high EI and secure with themselves knows this. You impress by not pandering, being principled and assertive and genuinely interested in sharing yourself and inquiring into her, and behaving truly as if boning isn't on your radar.
iedaiw (▲ 1)
Ya people misunderstand what push pull is. Push is not pushing them away via negging or whatever. I like to think of it as push = pushing yourself to them, i.e. salesman. Pull = getting them to validate themselves to you, i.e. asking is she the right fit for me.
WomanAscending (▲ 1)
I'll disagree here. When a guy I LIKE goes out of his way to impress me, I feel sparks sparks sparks. I have dated too many guys that took only the connecting approach (interested in who I am etc) and that's not enough for me for sexual attraction. Important nuance here: the impressing should come from a place of cockiness/confidence and not insecurity.
MetronTheCollector (OP) (▲ 2)
I think it takes men a long time to learn because lack of confidence so feel the need to impress. And also possibly lack of conversation skills. I used to brag because I didn't know what else to say to a girl. But when I put in the time to improve my conversation skills, and learn how to listen, make jokes, talk about my feelings and thoughts, then I had plenty to keep a conversation going. And now I brag less, but I still brag a little because it's an old habit, though I'm slowly eliminating it completely.