Former "he's nice but he's just my friend" guy summing up what I was doing wrong
Fuente
Last year it finally just clicked to me what I was doing wrong. I was always so kind to girls hoping they'd catch feelings for me. Even the girl I've had a crush on for 12 years. How can she not like me? I'm so nice to her and treat her so well. Obviously now I know that's not how shit works 99.9% of the time.
Be decisive, be direct, be confident. That's what it all comes down to. When you have those traits it turns out girls want someone who is kind to them.
I parted ways with my friend two years ago after I confessed my feelings to her (cringe). So I started to move on, go on dates etc but nothing ever clicked and I never knew why.
Things changed for me at my best friend's wedding. I was so hammered and I thought his wife-to-be's sister was so hot so I just said fuck it and went up to her, told her she's going to be my date for the night and the rest is history. She looked at my lips and I said "jeez I thought you were going to kiss me" and this girl grabs me and eats my face off. She lived far away so things didn't work out but that was a life changing night.
Not even a month later I meet my first girlfriend from a dating app and we lasted 6 months. She was a very attractive girl and during our relationship she told me I treated her better than anyone else. She broke up with me later on because she moved away for a career choice. I can respect that and she did always tell me it was a possibility.
So I recently messaged that old crush back. She was happy to hear from me. She told me she was bored and lonely so I told her to come over for a wine and movie night. She said yes and came over, eventually when we were tipsy I just straight up asked if she wanted to fuck and she said she doesn't do that outside of a relationship, so I said "Then you should be my girlfriend." She kissed me and now my lifelong crush is probably going to be the girl I marry.
TL;DR: Be decisive, be direct and be confident.
Comentarios destacados
yeahhhhhhboy91 (▲ 6)
Not really, he's probably a really attractive guy so it's easy for him to just be direct. If an ugly man walked up to a girl and said "hey you and me are getting dinner tonight" she's not gonna get all wet. You have to be desirable for women to just jump to be with you and ugly men are not desirable.
lmdelint (▲ 24)
Confidence, however is a VERY attractive trait. I have a few guy friends who really aren't all that to look at, but they are direct and confident and I am sometimes shocked at the girls they bring around. One guy in particular does get shot down a fair amount, but since his goal is to get laid, he just finds another girl to try his moves on. It might take a few tries but he rarely goes home alone. Perseverance works too.
[deleted] (▲ 12)
If by ugly you mean fat and acne and bad hygiene then you can put in work to improve that, but it will require discipline and pain. If you put in the work to understand psychology and improve your verbal and nonverbal skills then you'll have a new perspective that isn't desperate or needy, and ironically this is when women will gravitate towards you. There's a lot of shortcuts to success but long term happiness in life that stems beyond women only comes from mastering yourself.
lilb5269 (mujer) (▲ 67)
this is such a wholesome story wow, but coming from a girl's perspective i love a man who can be direct about the things he wants BUT while being respectful also.
SmokingBeneathStars (▲ 9)
This is my problem. Because I try to add her desires to the equation it no longer feels like I'm confident. It starts to feel like "I wanna do it if you wanna do it" and that's some straight beta shit right there.
partyinthebrain (▲ 4)
Why not think of it more like "I wanna do it. How do you feel?" That way you can be assertive and confident but also respectful.
Phenom_Mv3 (▲ 7)
Drinking a bit of booze one day helped me in a similar way too. I remember showing her I was into her but not in that creepy needy way anymore, I was decisive, confident, bold, and completely in the present — not expecting to hook up, just have a good time in general. Even had the confidence to leave her a couple of times during the party to check on how my male friends were doing.
I know they say stay completely sober during game to hone your skills, but to beginners just starting out I say have a few to gain that courage so you can see where confidence really takes you. It's like playing on easy difficulty in a video game, then you can gain momentum from there and tune girls without the training wheels.
Saxon2010 (▲ 14)
No More Mr. Nice Guy by psychotherapist Robert Glover tackles a lot of the issues with being a nice guy aka the nice guy syndrome. He takes you on a journey on how to be a recovering nice guy. Just to be clear, the book is not about how not to be nice, it's about how to balance being a nice guy and still get what you want in life.
texxmix (▲ 3)
Honestly I feel the same. The issue wasn't that I was too kind. I just wasn't direct and honest. So I stopped giving a fuck while still being just as kind. That alone helped a lot.
rwh0016 (▲ 3)
You can be nice and flirty at the same time. You can be flirty but respectful. Most of the time the guy has to make the first move if you want the girl to be interested in you.
mike2060 (▲ 5)
What's wrong with confessing your feelings to your crush? Better to bring it out into the open and if she isn't into you at all it's a lot easier to move on. Better than bottling it in for a long time.
evenifitdoesntmatter (▲ 9)
Physical escalation > feelings.
Constant-Wanderer (▲ 2)
The fact that anyone thinks that being "nice" means "be a doormat, say yes to anything, let them do whatever they want and make all the decisions" is a shortcoming of us as a people. Good for you for figuring it out.
[deleted] (▲ 1)
Knowing to stop being nice is a great mentality in terms of seduction. Although from your story, I wouldn't bother to ask if the girl wants to fuck to her face because to me, it's a weak move. She is already in your place and you guys have been drinking — I would escalate by touching and lead it to sex. One of the important tips of seduction is never to make a girl think why she shouldn't have sex with you or be with you.