[GUIDE] From Kissing to Sex - How to Build Tension and Get Naked with a Woman
Fuente
In another thread I wrote a comment on the topic and was asked to write a whole post about it, so here it is: The complete guide on how to get from kissing to sex.
When you're kissing a girl, you're already well on your way to getting intimate with her. Still it can be really hard to know the right moves, especially if you feel nervous or aren't very experienced sexually.
In this post I will tell you how to overcome your nervousness, develop sexual confidence and what to do precisely to get from kissing to sex.
There are three main components you're dealing with:
- Turning her on by doing the right things (how and where to touch, kiss and move)
- Getting over your own nervousness and moving forward with conviction (the right mindset)
- Becoming a great lover and solving the main insecurities in bed (coming too early, not pleasing her, not getting an erection)
In order to turn a woman on, you have to build sexual tension. And you have to do it gradually.
Men and women are turned on quite differently. For us it's often enough to see a nice decollete or a beautifully shaped butt and we are ready to go. For a woman it can take a little longer.
Mindset - Of Beauty and Courage
As with every other area in life, in order to be successful the right mindset is the most crucial factor. I will give you a lot of moves and very concrete things to do. But without the right mindset, I wouldn't bother reading them.
The right mindset
In order to seduce a woman, you have to be a lover of women. You have to enjoy her beauty and presence. Otherwise what's the point in having sex with her? The good thing is: if you are a heterosexual man, this comes natural to you. Your goal should be to enjoy and give pleasure.
Be present — or in more practical terms: pay attention to what's going on! Otherwise it would be impossible to see, taste, touch, smell and hear her beauty. Make sure you are there and it will be much easier to enjoy the process.
Respect her boundaries. Once you become present and really pay attention to what's going on, you will also notice when she feels uncomfortable. Even if you feel like you could push on and she would follow along, always give her all the time and space she needs. This will show her that she can trust you which will make it a lot easier to allow sexual arousal.
Give as much as you take. Another rule you have to follow to become successful in any area of life. Make sure you please her as much as you satisfy yourself.
What to do precisely to turn a woman on and move from kissing to sex
So you've got the right mindset. You're in the moment, enjoying that beautiful creature, taking good care of her. Here are some concrete steps in order to get sexual with her.
As I already mentioned, it's a gradual process and sometimes you might take a step back before taking the next one forward.
Once you are kissing you have three tools to amp up the temperature: touching, kisses and positions. I'll give you some examples and progressions for each of them. Typically she will also start touching and undressing you or going down on you at some point.
Touching and kissing
Start exploring her body with your hands. Make sure you take it step by step. A potential progression could be:
- Touching her hip and back, gently stroking her.
- Neck, side of her face, head. At some point you can become a little rougher with her hair. Most women enjoy a firm grip from time to time.
- Sliding your hand under her clothes while not touching intimate areas yet.
- Holding hands, maybe pinning her hands down over her head while kissing her if the dynamic is right.
- Touching her butt, pulling it into you depending on the position.
- Kissing, nibbling and gently biting her neck. For some women this is the ultimate turn on. You will know if she starts moaning right away — pay special attention to her neck for the rest of the night, you can always come back to it, also during sex.
- Caressing her breasts. First just "accidentally" through her top, then more and more direct. At one point you can move up her top, start kissing the visible parts of her breasts, slide one hand into her bra, get her breast out and caress, kiss or gently bite her nipple.
- If she's fine with that, remove her bra. Learn to open bras with one hand — you can order one or two cheap bras to practice if you feel insecure about this. You can also remove her bra downwards, moving the two straps down over her shoulders.
- Step by step get yourself and her comfortable with the idea of touching her more intimately. First just touch her legs through her pants, at one point moving to the inside of her legs. Then slide your hand into the back of her trousers, then the front, not going all the way down yet, just teasing. Always pay attention to her reaction — her signs of arousal or resistance will tell you exactly what to do and when to wait.
- At one point slide your hand into her panties. Take your time. First find out if she is already wet (which she will always be at this point unless you rushed it). Never push further unless she's really wet. Finger her and pay attention to her reaction. Your goal is to find out what she likes — you can also ask her, just a whispered "Like this?"
- At this point you should have removed most of her clothes, step by step to avoid long breaks.
- If you like oral sex, now is the time.
- Once you're both naked and have been exploring each other's bodies quite thoroughly, you should put on a condom. Never have sex without one if you're just getting to know each other. Make sure it's nearby but not visible to her before you get it out, and practice putting it on so it doesn't take more than ten seconds or so.
- Don't penetrate her right away. Start kissing her again and keep fingering her, making sure she is really wet.
- Penetrate her bit by bit, making sure everything is nice and wet and you don't feel any resistance. It can take a minute or two until you have first penetrated her fully.
Often it's not a linear progression. You may become quite intimate before she needs a little break to process what's going on. Don't worry about this — it's not rejection, it's a sign that you're on track and she's getting ready for the next step.
Positions
- Sitting or lying on the side facing each other is a great position for the early stages of getting intimate.
- Turning her on her back and kissing her from above while not moving completely on top of her is a slightly more dominant position — this is about sexual polarity, not domination.
- Sitting her on top of you is a lot more sexual because your genitals are basically touching each other.
- Moving into missionary position, even fully dressed, automatically triggers an association with sex.
- Spooning: a cool position in different contexts, from watching a movie together to preparing to penetrate her from behind.
Also make sure you create the right atmosphere and are prepared for sex:
- Make sure everything is clean and tidy, especially the living, bed and bathroom.
- Create a relaxed atmosphere with cozy indirect lights and some nice music.
- Always have a bottle of wine and some snacks ready.
- Deposit some condoms close to where you're going to initiate sex.
- If you enjoy outdoor sex, bring the equivalent of the above — blankets, cushions, snacks, drinks and condoms can turn a beach, viewpoint or field into the perfect date location.
Becoming a great lover and solving common problems in bed
Here are the three biggest problems men typically experience in bed and some solutions:
Coming too early: Breathe, slow down, stop or change positions. If you feel like you're gonna come, slow down or stop thrusting completely. She might not be ecstatic about that but she will definitely prefer it to one-minute sex. It will become easier the longer you have sex.
Not getting an erection: This occurs mainly under two circumstances. When we get past our 30's and 40's testosterone levels drop, making it harder to get and maintain an erection — talk to a urologist if experiencing this problem, and eat healthy and stay in shape (erectile problems can be an early alert for heart disease, indicating unhealthy blood vessels). The second scenario is when we're not really turned on, due to stress, bad sleep, an exhausting day, or not really being attracted to the girl. Only get intimate with people you really want to get intimate with.
Insecurity about pleasing her: Solve this by enjoying the presence of the person you're with and taking good care of her. Always pay attention to the signals she's giving you and always move towards arousal.
Here you have it. I never expected to write a guide on this topic. But I have felt and overcome many sexual insecurities in the past. Some of them have been with me for years. I hope this post can be a shortcut for some of you guys!
Comentarios destacados
MakeSail (▲ 4)
I would say it is more a possible technique than a guide, although well written and correct in its basic progression. The limitation is there is really no true step by step approach. What you do as a man depends on the woman and her desires, and I have found women do exhibit patterns depending upon age and emotional maturity.
For example a young inexperienced, perhaps immature woman may not be able to verbalize or understand her own sexual needs. So essentially the man has to embark on a kind of discovery phase to understand and quantify her needs, this will take time and patience. This is not necessarily the fault of the woman who may have been traumatized or cannot move beyond her own inhibitions or insecurities.
It's not an easy task to help her achieve orgasm without the judgment that it must happen. Depending on the woman, don't talk about the "goal" of her orgasm, just ask if it's okay to explore some things with her while respecting her boundaries.
I have found that once a woman orgasms she will actually relax and open up more. I think the basic technique would be to go down, finger and if necessary use a vibrator to have her orgasm.
My advice for men is to look at PIV sex as a way to edge, rather than just a way to orgasm as a man. When I find the limits of edging, clit and/or PIV I then tend to be consistent and slow and kiss and/or neck after any gyrations from her climax — don't stop making love to her like you see in porn, orgasm is not the end, it is the beginning of making emotional connections and understanding more completely what she likes.
You are like a detective trying subtle techniques to understand her state of mind and desires at that moment. If you feel that she wants slow passionate sex then do it, if she wants something aggressive and rough then do that.