Cold approach has changed my life in every way possible
Fuente
Post original de r/seduction — flair: Inner Game
Jesus it is one of the hardest things to do but setting off on the journey of cold approach has changed my life unimaginably.
I was what I thought an ugly loser, who was a virgin when I started out. I worked an admin position in a university in my home town, a skinny guy, who was seeing this really fat girl, who pretty much eat pizza all day and had a really negative attitude. I thought that was my lot. I thought this was what I deserved and how my life was meant to be.
I was becoming more disillusioned, more depressed. I had no deep connections. Even my friends were all surface level. Ultimately I felt alone. I realised apart from my dad, Mam and siblings no one would give a single fuck if I died. No one would come to my funeral.
Rock bottom.
Fast forward 4 years, and I have moved to one of the most expensive cities in the world, and I'm still in the top 5% in terms of salary there. The first month I went out and approached like mad and I now have 4 beautiful girls on the go. I've never been happier with my body (gym for 3 years). My diet is on point and my mindset is rock solid. No guy is better than me out there.
Yes, there are better looking guys than me, but I know I offer a lot of value, and I know 99% of guys haven't put in the work I have.
This isn't a brag post. This is a post to tell you, yes cold approach does work but in a lot more ways than you can ever imagine.
Each rejection, each hurdle you overcome massively improves your confidence and self worth. Not just talking with women but guys, bosses, the family. I have never interviewed better. Never had more friends. Even the girls I meet and break up with stay around and are some cool friends. I have learnt a lot from them. It's a snowball effect. Momentum.
I never thought this was possible.
It isn't easy, it feels like crawling over nails at times. Hell it nearly drove me to suicide, the pain was so much. 10, 20, 30 approaches, a whole day, no numbers. Girls rejecting you left, right and centre. "No." "No." "No." "Maybe...No." Your ego starts to crack. Cold approach can be pure pain. You question everything.
But as long as you get back on the horse and go again, each week. You slowly start to get better and better. There's always another beautiful girl around the corner who will be in to you. The amount of times I thought I'd reached my peak and I'd never meet a better girl (once I've lost her).
I would spend hours looking in the mirror, seeing how my smile looked, and changing it. I would record myself and listen back so I can change my voice tonality deeper. I would go into lifts and have to start up a conversation with whoever was in there.
I remember I went through a weird spell of seducing my first few 8 and 9's and when I took them back to mine I was so nervous to disappoint (and ultimately lose them) that I couldn't get it up. One girl stormed off and called me gay, I seriously thought about killing myself that night. The look she gave me as if I wasn't a man. Cruel reality. I can now get the girls I dreamed of but I can't even fuck them. The girls had less respect for me than when I was that admin person in university and respect was all I wanted.
But did you know what I did. I went out the next morning and approached again. I would bring them back to my flat knowing I may not get hard. That it would be awkward. I purposefully headed towards awkward situations. I fully felt that fear and anxiety within me but went ahead again. I didn't try to fight it, instead I accepted it.
Just like a cold approach.
Each time my dick would get slightly harder. Through persistence and experience, I conditioned my brain that going soft and then kicking this girl out wasn't an easy escape to avoid the pain. In the end my mind gave in and did what I told it.
I've realised recently that this is a metaphor for game, for life. It's a cliche now but whatever you fear is the exact thing you should run towards.
If you are scared of losing that girl, lose her. Scared of getting rejected, approach her. Scared of sending that text, then send it. Scared of going for that job, apply for it. Here is the thing even if it doesn't work you gain experience and become stronger. By taking action. It's win-win. You either get what you want, or you don't and become more comfortable in that situation.
That's the only way to be free. Your future self will be so thankful you did.
So I raise a toast to anyone who's had the balls to do cold approach and work on their life. Here's to freedom. Here's to pain. Here's to our future selves.
TLDR; DO NOT GIVE UP!
Comentarios destacados
skullirang (▲ 123)
Work on your foreplay game. Whenever I'm too nervous to get hard, we'd just make out, do some foreplay until I chill out and get hard. Don't make a big deal out of it, they will only care if you do. Maintain the sexual vibe.
crystalcastles (▲ 45)
What did you say during approaches?
CoronaThrowawayB (OP) (▲ 134)
What you say is like 10% of the approach. It's mostly body language, eye contact and vibe. I don't have a line per se. I make an observation. Maybe she's just wearing a flowery dress, so I'd say: "Hey, I know this is a bit forward but I noticed your flowery dress from across the path and I just had to come and say hi."
One key thing guys forget is... SMILE. When you smile it can make the other person want to smile and feel more comfortable. So many guys try to act aloof and cool. Just smile and make good eye contact. Those simple steps will improve your approaches more than any single line.
crystalcastles (▲ 38)
Then they say "thank you" and I can say "hi I'm crystal castles" then I draw a blank on how to continue the conversation... But yeah you're right, body, smile, eye contact.
CoronaThrowawayB (OP) (▲ 84)
Once you have opened, the key thing is to take any information she gives you and use that to carry on the conversation. That is the skill of a good conversationalist.
She says a simple "thank you", you hear her accent, you can comment on that. Maybe she sounds surprised, you can comment on that too. This is the thing guys: the girl isn't just going to give you a perfect response. The first 30 seconds more often than not will be hard and awkward until you and the girl get into a flow. You need to be creative, and be able to freestyle with some stuff in a self-amused way.
ahumphreyuk (▲ 29)
The trick is just forcing yourself to strike up conversation with anyone and everyone. Speak to them as though you already know each other, and let conversation happen as you would with a mate, rather than trying to say "the right thing to make this girl like me".
TerribleAd3326 (▲ 7)
I understand what you're saying in theory (stop worrying about what to say and just say whatever comes to your mind) but in practice, I struggle to think freely and say something even if it is mundane. My mind literally goes blank - how do I change this?
rhofire (▲ 9)
When you are alone, think about a situation that made your mind go blank. Be very aware of the sensations in your body. You should be able to tell where your anxiety is in your body. Then, allow that emotion to ramp up — you're doing it in a safe space, with nobody else around.
In most likelihood, you'll remember a situation, usually from your childhood when you first felt this way. This will help you release that whole pain. Let it go. When you go out next time, the fear and anxiety that make your brain go blank will not be there anymore.
[deleted] (▲ 4)
Word association exercise: think of a word, say "tree". Say what first comes to mind after reading it. Now try and move that towards actual sentences: "Tree. Leaf. Leaves falling. Fall. It's halloween. Halloween has lots of candy..." Just let it spill out without really thinking about what to say.
Another thing is to actively lower your filter. Allow yourself to say things, try not to stifle your speech in your head. Obviously recognize social rules and etiquette, but let your brain-to-mouth flow a little bit better.
[deleted] (▲ 9)
If your dick doesn't work another time, just laugh it off. Happened to me once but there's a world of difference between it ruining your mood and it being a funny thing that happened. Don't bring a negative tone to the situation and odds are the girl will react much more positively than if you let it get to you.
BurnablesOnMondays (▲ 8)
How did you develop conversational content for such successful approaching? I'm not a very talkative person and I can't make the random inferences people make when doing cold reads, so after "hi" I literally have nothing to say.
CoronaThrowawayB (OP) (▲ 20)
It's through practice and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Being a good conversationalist is a skill — the more you use those mental muscles the easier it is. I don't believe anyone has a gene that states you're not talkative, it's just developed through habits.
A couple of things to help:
- When walking down the street by yourself, practice focusing on one person and pick 2-3 things that stand out. Don't take too much time thinking — get the first thing that comes to mind.
- Meditate and practice clearing your mind so you're able to fully focus on the moment and pick up little details about the person.
- Practice splitting conversations into threads or different paths and then choose which direction to take. For example: "I went to New York, it was freezing" — you can now respond with anything from New York, being cold, travel, shopping, bagels, the US. This will keep the conversation feeling smooth and natural, and you can never run out of things to say.