Here's everything I've learned about women, dating, sex, PUA, and seduction in my decades of life.
Fuente
Quick Bio: Im 41, AA male, athletic build, 6', 200lbs, slightly above average in the manhood dept. My best features are my eyes and my voice (think Allstate man). I lost my v-card on my 15th bday and in the 26yrs that have followed, I've had countless approaches (+500), slept with over 200 women, have had about a half dozen LTRs, and I'm now engaged to a wonderful woman and we frequently enjoy the swinger lifestyle together.
Here's everything Ive learned; from being the best version of yourself, the simplest approaches, building attraction, securing a date (and avoiding flakes), my three date rule, sex that will have her begging for more, and transitioning into a LTR.
Enjoy.
Part One: The Best You
The biggest hurdle you'll face in your seduction journey is trying to convince someone to invest in a product (i.e. YOU) that you don't believe in. Take some time and focus on you. Go to the gym, develop your style, work on building a life and lifestyle that you're happy with and proud of. It makes it so much easier to interact with women/people when you have an awesome life backing you up.
A few quick style tips: It doesn't matter how you dress or what your style is; your clothes should always follow three simple rules: Clean, Neat, Fit. And remember, style is fluid, not stagnant. Sure shorts and a t-shirt are comfortable, but slacks and a button down are stylish. Change it up and dress for the occassion.
You dont need a shit ton of money, the body of a greek god, or the face of a cover model. All you need is a positive attitude, confidence, and a little bit of "fuck it" to be successful with women.
Discover your best features and use them to your advantage. I'm constantly complemented on my voice so I trained myself to speak in a tone/pace that makes people focus and pay attention. Once I have their attention, the rest is cake. Whatever your best feature is, learn to utilize and market it to your advantage.
Part Two: Approaches
Smile. This not only makes you instantly more attractive, it eases tensions in others.
There is no golden opener or perfect pickup line. Odds are, if you approach a random attractive woman, she knows why you're there. Just be authentic and genuine. The truth is that it doesnt matter what you say, but how you say it makes all the difference in the world. And at the end of the day, if she finds you attractive, it less about saying the right thing and more about not saying the wrong thing.
Approach is the goal. Dont focus on anything else. There are a dozen reasons you'll get rejected (IT WILL HAPPPEN!), and 10 of them dont have shit to do with you. Just approach. "No" is always the answer to a question unasked.
A.B.E. - Always Be Escalating. Not just in your approach, but in every step of your romantic interaction.
Make her WANT to. Your job is not to try to convince or persuade her to do anything with you. Your job is to make her want to; want to give you her contact info, want to go out with you, want to kiss you, want to touch you, want to have sex with you, want to be with you. And when a woman wants, it's easier give.
Most importantly, always remember that you are inviting her to be a part of YOUR world, not asking for a place in hers. Women come and go. You are the only constant in your life. So invite her to be a part of it, and not the other way around.
Part 3: Communication
Diversify your communication. Don't rely on just texts. Since one of my best features is my voice, I'll record a simple voice message and send it to her "Hey. I hope your having a wonderful day. I really enjoy talking to you and I'd love to hear your voice later. Call me when you have some time to chat."
This makes her WANT to talk to me.
Throw in some pics (no dic pics guys) of you just out and enjoying life.
Add a meme or two that describes your mood or day.
Dig deep. Get to know her. Ask about her day, her life, her family, her hopes and dreams, her goals, her fears, her secret desires. Find out as much about who she is and what she wants as possible.
Don't over share. Think of yourself as a nesting doll; share each doll sparringly. No one likes a simple puzzel.
Part 4: Dating
Don't ask a woman "out". Instead, ask her to join you for something:
"Have any plans Saturday?"
"Not at the moment."
"Well, Im going to go to X and do Y and I remember you mentioned you like X and Y, care to join me? Afterwards, maybe we can Z. I can pick you up or we can meet at (time)."
Now, firstly, this eliminates "flakes" because A) You're doing it anyway and her attendence is not required for you to enjoy your life. And B) How she responds will let you know how to proceed. If she is non-commital, then retract your offer and move on. If she's down, you have plans.
There are three dates that really matter: the Physical Date (something active that gets your blood flowing and heart racing), the Formal Affair (something that gives her a reason to dress up and show off), and the Intimate Setting (something private for just the two of you). How you interact in these three dates will tell you everything you need to know about each other.
What I typically do is make the first date a physical one, the second a formal one, and for the third, I usually offer to cook her dinner at my place. 99.9995% of the time, this leads to Secci Tymes.
(A quick note about dates: You dont have to spend a lot of money or try to impress a woman. One of my go-to dates when I was low of funds was a picnic in the park. Play some music, make a salad, get some fruit, maybe a bottle of wine, and just sit, chill, and talk. Bring a frisbee or a football)
Learn to cook. You dont have to be a culinary master, but you should have at least a half dozen dishes under your belt; something with chicken, seafood/shellfish, beef/steak, and something vegetarian.
Also, learn to bake. A man that can feed you well, satisfy your sweettooth, and fuck your brains out is always a keeper. Which leads us to...
Part V: Physical Escalation
Remember, you want to make her WANT to...
One of the ways I do this is a psuedo-push/pull. Let's say I'm out with a woman having drinks at a bar. I'll get close, do something intimate and sensual (kiss her hand, caress her cheek), and then I'll move away. I wait until she comes to me, either closing the distance between us or reciprocating the intimacy. Then I take it to the next level. Rinse... repeat.
You never want to make a woman feel like she's giving you intimacy. Instead, make her desire that intimacy and fullfill that desire.
Part 6: Sex
There's no one way or "right" way to satisfy a woman. Every woman is different and while there are many commonalities, ultimately, you have to learn each womans body in order to completely satisfy her desires.
To that, learn to "listen" to her body; the way she moves, breathes, the noises she makes (or doesnt), the way she tilts her head, holds her breath, curls her toes, grips the sheets... these are all road markers to her pleasure.
It doesnt (really) matter how big (or small) your dick is, it doesnt matter how good you are at oral (ok... that one kinda matters), what matters is your ability to read and guage her pleasure and respond accordingly.
A few Protips: Stamina isn't how long you can go without climax. Stamina is how long you can maintain the pleasure despite climax. Go down on a woman for 20 minutes, have intercourse for five, and then go down on her again for another 35 minutes and when someone asks her how long she had sex, the answer wont be "five minutes", it'll be an hour.
Always remember the FDL rule: she cums First, she cums During, she cums Last.
And if she doesnt/cant orgasm, it doesn't mean she wont/didnt enjoy it, and it definitely doesnt mean you should focus or obsess over it. A womans pleasure is just as much her responsibility as it is her partners. Some women have a hard time reaching climax. It's not you. Dont overthink it.
Sex isnt just oral and intercourse. Sex is every intimate, sensual moment leading up to, including, and after intercourse. Its all those things you do, all those buttons you can press, that turn each other on. Dont focus on just the physical. If you can turn a woman on without touching her, she will follow you to the ends of the Earth.
Toys are your friend!
Dirty talk is a raunchy conversation. Dont just shout obscenities like a Touretts sufferer; ask questions, make comments, give instructions.
Learn how to give a full body massage.
Part 7: Transitioning into a LTR
Dont focus in the goal. Sure, we all want the white picket fence scenario (or version of), but a relationship is a journey. Dont be the passenger in the car yelling "Are we there yet?" every few dates. More over, know what you want out of a relationship and a partner before seeking to have one. Looking for a relationship without knowing what kind of relationship you want/need is like going to the grocery store hungry; you'll wind up with a lot of crap with very little nutritional value.
When you're ready.... really ready to commit to someone, go out for a drink and have a mature conversation about how you feel, why, and where you want the relationship to go, and ask them to share their thoughts and feelings, then proceed accordingly.
Dont assume that just because you've been on six dates and had sex four times that you're in a relationship.
Hope someone here finds this useful. Its pretty bare bones but its the backbone to the success I've enjoyed with women. Feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions.
Comentarios destacados
[usuario]
Sex tips are quite on point.
A few additional points:
Focusing on her is really #1. Not just how she reacts, but also the rhythm of her body. When you fuck her, let her set the rhythm first, then jump in and accentuate it, then lead. Escalate gradually, but keep the same rhythm. If she's close to coming don't radically change what you're doing. Focusing on her also means not focusing on you. By that, I mean that I suspect most people focus way to much on whether what they're doing looks right (thanks, porn) and not enough on how it makes their partner feel.
Learn some anatomy. There are more erogenous zones than you might realize. Make use of them. Learn where the g-spot is and what positions/angles work for your body to stimulate her in the right places.
ASK HER. Be open and genuinely non-judgemental. Not only will you learn about what she likes (or dislikes), but you'll encourage her to feel more comfortable. More comfort means less anxiety. It's hard for guys to perform when we're anxious, so why would women be any different?
Talk about what you're into. You're not entitled to her saying "yes" to anything, but you might be surprised to find out how many women are interested in having a threesome or enjoy anal sex.
Try to get her off with your fingers or mouth first. Takes off a lot of the pressure on your dick to perform, and you'll perform better as a result.
Chill out. It's okay to laugh at things or take a water break. Not every time is going to be magical, so just try to make it a good time regardless. Incorporate some wacky shit occasionally. Try new things. That'll keep your sex life fun.
Practice kegels and self awareness/control. Being able to control when you cum (most of the time) is 100% worth it.
Try and make her last orgasm a really strong one. Not always within your control (though easier if you get good at tip #7), but worth shooting for.
Sex shouldn't be about conquests, insecurity, or even orgasms. It's about 2 (or more) people working together to give each other a mutually great experience. That's why your mindset matters far more than your dick size or any of the physical stuff. Most women are not incapable of orgasming. The vast majority of men just suck at getting them there, and either aren't willing to put in the work to learn how to do it right or are too insecure to admit that they aren't. Being in the minority puts you on a different level, regardless of what you're packing. You can't please everyone, but you'd be surprised at what you're capable of.
[usuario]
Awesome post man but I'm confused about this. When I am I supposed to cum then?
[usuario]
Let me explain:
She cums FIRST: Before intercourse, I want to make her cum. Fingers, tongue, toys... I want to make her cum once or twice (or thrice) before I even slide inside her.
She cums DURING: I want her to cum during intercourse. Now, Im not going to get in my head about it or focus on it. Im going to play my stroke game and just let it happen. Im going to lay back and let her ride and hopefully she'll get there. And if all else fails, I'll do my little stroke and lick trick, and that will make the sparks fly. The point is, I want her to experience climax WHILE we have sex.
She cums LAST: Eventually, Im going to climax and my erection will fade. Human nature. But that doesnt mean the fun has to end. Most men treat their orgasm like a finish line. "I came! Now, I must go!"
Huge mistake.
After I climax, I want her to cum AT LEAST one more time for me. So... back to the tongue, fingers, and/or toys. I want the last thing she feels to be her body quaking with pleasure.
Cum whenever, just make sure she cums again after you do.
[smoothmax]
The best single post I've seen around here.
Only one quibble, I don't think it's necessary to Always Be Escalating. Especially if things are going well in general. ABE might be misinterpreted by some guys to mean they should always be pushing things verbally and physically from minute to minute. Usually there are periods of going fast, going on hold and talking about chode things for a while, or even cooling things off and allowing distance to intervene before getting close again. This allows your next rule to happen, Make Her Want You.
[Khower] Yeah there's a lot of push and pull with escalating.... if you're always escalating you're pursuing her and not the other way around. I > > like to get her to chase a little and then reward her zazzomicron Consider it more of a mindset that constant pressure. If you see her respond, you reward her. If you see an opportunity to escalate, you take it
caP1taL1sm_420 ([7y ago])
This is gold. Two questions that are discussed a lot around here and have various schools of thought:
When you're meeting up with a woman the first time, how quickly do you escalate? I used to go for the kiss always on first date and then try to bang. Particularly after I LTR'd a girl for about a year when we fucked on the first date. It set the tone exactly how I liked (physical) and led to some amazing sex and dynamic between us. Nowadays I have the strategy of doing a quick date for only an hour or so then bouncing and saying "hey sorry I gotta go" and then setting up second date at my place to cook and fuck. Is your 3 date model before sex or can it happen at any point and what are some of the indications that I should push for it earlier? Cause I feel like especially with at least somewhat attractive women they don't want to put out on the first date. I'm fine with escalating like you suggest and going for it 100% of the time but I don't want to come across as needily wanting sex.
When approaching how do you stand on telling a woman you think she's attractive? Lately I've been counseled by some female friends against it but it's hard for me to come up with something genuine to say because, frankly, the truth is I just want to meet her because I think she's cute. Obviously I also want to get to know her but I think sometimes I come across weird if I try to steer the conversation somewhere when she knows I just approached cause I like her. The burden of conversation is on me to figure out obviously but I think it makes me fail to start if I'm focusing on what to say which isn't what's on the top of my mind ("She's hot")
itsamatterofattitude (OP) ([7y ago])
When you're meeting up with a woman the first time, how quickly do you escalate?
This depends entirely on our interaction between the initial meeting and our first date.
For example: if she's already sent me pics of her topless/naked before we've even meet for a date, then almost anything is fair game. I'd typically greet her with a sensual hug and a kiss on the lips and whisper something like "I've been thinking about doing that all week."
If our convo has remained fairly PG, I'll still hug her, but maybe start the kissing with her hand/finger tips and escalate during the date.
Dont get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with first date sex. Sometimes you meet someone and the sexual tension is palpable, and you go for it, but this should never be expectation.
Nowadays I have the strategy of doing a quick date for only an hour or so then bouncing and saying "hey sorry I gotta go" and then setting up second date at my place to cook and fuck. Is your 3 date model before sex or can it happen at any point and what are some of the indications that I should push for it earlier? Cause I feel like especially with at least somewhat attractive women they don't want to put out on the first date. I'm fine with escalating like you suggest and going for it 100% of the time but I don't want to come across as needily wanting sex.
So... take this with a grain of salt, but it sounds like you're focusing on the sex and not the person.
When I was starting out, sex was all I cared about, too. I'd meet a woman and everything I said and did was to get her in bed.
And it worked most of the time. But when I was around 25, I shifted gears. I wanted more than just sex. I wanted emotions. I wanted to make a woman love me.
So I put sex on the back burner and took time to invest in the person. And when we did have sex, I did everything I could to blow her mind. And not only did the emotions... the love... come, but she came back for more and more and more. I didnt want to be able to go out, meet a rando, hook-up, rinse... repeat. Instead, I wanted four five women who would always be there and available. A stable, if you will.
And it worked wonders. I have women in my life who have been around for a decade or more and if I called them right now and said "Let's go get a drink.", they would be there.
Just food for thought...
2. When approaching how do you stand on telling a woman you think she's attractive?
You are never... EVER... the first man to tell a woman she's attractive.
She knows.
Doesnt mean she doesnt like to hear it. The trick is to not make it the focal point. I usually tell a woman "I'm curious if the contents match the package." It's like saying "Okay... your hot! We get it! What else you got?"
Its fine to say it casually, but don't focus on it.
DeliciousJackfruit5 (7y ago)
Can you elaborate on how you went about training your voice?
itsamatterofattitude (OP)
It's hard to clearly articulate via text, so Im going to write this in a way that may help you understand...
What happens when you see an attractive women and feel an almost overwhelming desire to approach.
You get excited. Your heart races and you get anxious and your palms sweat and you struggle to find the right thing to say because you dont want to look stupid and what if she says "no" and I hope no one is watching but DAMN! shes so sexy I mean look at those eyes and does she realize I can see her nipples through her top and I want those legs wrapped around me so bad OH SHIT! My dicks hard DEAD PUPPIES DEAD PUPPIES DEAD PUPPIES ok fuck it her I go. "Hey Im Attitude whats a place like you doing in a girl like this WAIT thats not right What I ment to say is your cute but not in a bunny rabbit kinda way but in a take you home to momma not that I want to take you to meet my mom I mean I would but can imI have your number and call you maybe I swear Im not this awkward OH GOD JUST KILL ME NOW!
What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened?
So I trained myself to do two things.
Lower the bass.
Slow the pace.
Hey.
How you doing?
May I have your name? Jessica? Well... Jessica... Im Attitude... and it is a pleasure to meet you.
Jessica, there's nothing I can say that you haven't heard before. I can tell by your style you know you turn heads. I can tell by the shadows over your eyes you know how amazing they are. I can tell by the way that dress fits you that not only do you work hard on your physique, but you know it stops men dead in their tracks. So instead of giving you the same old tired bullshit pickup lines you've no doubt heard before... I'd like to try something new... I want to be real with you. I want to get to know you. I want a chance to see if the interior matches the exterior... if you're as amazing on the inside as you are on the outside.
So... Jessica... what do you say? Want to make a new friend?
Okay... so its kinda cheesy, but the point is to control your emotions and your voice. Slow down your pace. Lower the bass. Let your pace match your intentions. Take your time. Dont rush. Play with the fluctuation and inflection.
Search my posts history and look for a post about "How to Speak Groot." That should help a bit.
WandersBetweenWorlds
"kinda cheesy" is the understatement of the year. It reads submissive as well, and is full of admiration. I'm surprised that works for you.
itsamatterofattitude (OP)
It worked for me because of the delivery.
It's never what you say, but always how you say it.
Like I said, an attractive woman knows why you came over and introduced yourself. It's not a mystery or a secret. So why waste time with canned openers or cheesy pick-up lines. I even recall her saying later that she really appreciated how I didn't say something cliche'.
But the point of that was to illustrate how simply slowing down your pattern of speech and lowering the bass in your voice can impact your interaction.
ifthesewoescouldtalk
This is a fantastic post.
Could you clarify what you mean by physical, formal, and intimate? Like with some examples of what you exactly did on the date.
itsamatterofattitude (OP)
Physical Date Ideas- Bowling, Billiards, Indoor Rock Climbing, Jetski rentals, Kayaking, Hiking, Boxing class, Shooting range, mini golf, go kart racing, white water rafting, sailing, amusement park, improv class, salsa dancing lession, kendo class, motorcycle ride, horseback riding, atv rental, paintball, etc.
Formal dates are typically a night out at a nice restaurants or maybe a live show. It can also include cocktails at an upscale bar/lounge. Just anywhere upscale attire is suggested.
Intimate settings can be dinner at your/her place, a couples massage, private juccuzi rental.... Anywhere private for just the two of you.
gainzville80
Great list, lots of good advice here. I would like to add a few things under section 6 (sex) is to become a master at the "edging" technique. Practice masturbating often and for long periods of time. This will boost your stamina and endurance during sex and put you into "god" status to them. Most women have very short sexual encounters with men (in my opinion), 5-20 minutes which I find is outright disappointing. We can do much better than that... lol. I do like your ideas of switching it up though, oral, penetration, back to oral etc.... But edging will make you a penetration BEAST. It will completely put your sex game into a different status...
My other piece of advice for men and you hit on this in one sentence, but I feel it needs much more emphasis. Health, Nutrition, Exercise. All of these things directly influence section number 6 (sex). If you workout that's a great start, but if your diet is complete shit, then that can directly impact your blood flow and poor blood flow during sex is NOT good especially as you start to age. So yes going to the gym is a good start, but you must also take care of what you are eating. Eat healthy foods that will not clog up your arteries and screw up your blood flow. Think Green foods. I do a kale/spinach/fruit smoothie every morning and it helps me get through the first half of the day no problem and my blood flow in the bedroom is insane. Not trying to brag but 3 plus hour sex sessions are quite normal now, and I'm almost 40. And those sessions aren't "boring", I'm constantly pleasing her and in some cases double digit orgasm sessions have occurred.
So again, edging along with a healthy lifestyle will put you on a path towards complete domination in the bedroom, and that's what women want. They want to be dominated.