"we don't really care what you say when you're flirting with us, it's about how attractive and confident you are"
Fuente
A few girls told me that last night. I hear this advice all the time but I can never truly believe it.
I'm 6'5 and quite attractive but I've often avoided approaching due to me not being sure what the fuck to say with no notice. I'm a pretty good conversationalist when I want to be but I put a lot of pressure on myself to be extremely charming, funny etc when I'm interacting with girls.
Even though part of me understands this advice I just can't seem to actually believe it because it seems like the emphasis is still very much on what you say - especially in a cold approach.
But no, they tell me that even the vocal tone is more important than the words themselves.
Do you guys agree with this or think it's a bit of an exaggeration?
Comentarios destacados
[deleted] (OP) (▲ 610)
90% of success with girls can be summarized as this:
Eye contact, vocal tonality, physicality.
Went through years of rejections wondering if it was my content, it's not. Women want to feel your sexual interest, when you look into her eyes, she feels something, when you touch or get closer, she feels something, when you speak in a commanding way, she definitely feels something.
Like, it's so obvious as well, why do think characters like Don Draper and James Bond are considered sexy.
I've had waaaay more success from embracing my masculine side, as in, not hiding my attraction behind bullshit friendship facades. Being totally unreactive because I give zero fucks about the plebs around me, my focus is on her because she caught my attention.
Like I say all the time, if you want girls, be able to build shit, fix shit and fight shit. Build a business, fix your home, roll on some mats with dudes who can kick your ass.
vibes2high250 (▲ 199)
This is 100% true. Your vibes are everything. What annoys me about this sub is that the more complicated a post is, the more attention it will get. Guys on here really hate simplicity. Men are logical, Women are emotional. If you want to connect with a Woman you HAVE to make her feel things in order for attraction to happen. Well, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
FaithInStrangers94 (OP) (▲ 54)
It's funny how in 2021 most girls would laugh at you and firmly disagree if you just said that at a gathering... yet they'll probably drop to their knees for you later if you have that mentality. Not all of them, but most. Even I'm guilty of calling "toxic masculinity" far too easily, it's been programmed into me.
Would you say the approach is any different for a girl you want to have a long term relationship with? Also what were your pointers for physical touch?
[deleted] (▲ 87)
Yep, I used to be pretty passive and try to date in a feminist friendly way because I wanted women to be comfortable and enjoy it too. I'm for women but I think it's just so silly to think a few thousand years of technology has changed millions of years of biology.
Just confidently do it, play footsie under the table or something, like why not just go for it. If you think she's into you, do it and see what happens. I'm always 100% willing to deal with the aftermath if she isn't interested because if she is, it will sky rocket the interaction and you'll both be looking for any excuse to be alone with each other.
Take her hand and guide her somewhere quiet, when you stop, pull her in and kiss her. When I used to frequent clubs, I'd start a sort of dance off, when they respond well, I'd take their hand, spin them around, grab the other hand and loop it around my neck and go for the kiss, they'd sometimes turn away but always with a smile.
It's probably more creepy to be afraid of touching her than it is to actually touch her in the way you want to.
Particular_Visual531 (▲ 7)
This is great advice. The more confident you are in you, definitely the better off you'll be. But you have to say something so its good especially when you start to have some planned words. Practice them in the mirror some. Practice really does help. I also say practice a lot with girls that you are not that attracted to, it reduces your stress. If you played a sport, this is all like practicing with your own team before the game.
Another very important way to reduce the stress is date a lot. The more girls you date the less you'll be invested in the initial contact with any one girl. You'll be confident that if this doesn't work out that another girl will.
FreckledFauna (▲ 8)
Both men and women are visual creatures, so I think it's fair to say a good handful of people find physical attraction a great starting point for communication. Having said that, if you're trying to go in cold (and you lack confidence) you have to find a way to connect on a mental level.
If you can find a way to playfully and confidently ask the girl you're interested in for her consent to do something (i.e. kiss her) she will feel way more attracted to you. Add your swagger, or a dash of your unique personality so it doesn't sound like you're nervous or hesitant, but you're being respectful to her by asking for it.
Tonality is key. Most men don't enter conversations giving off emotion other than lust. Be dynamic!
Also: You don't own her time or her body because you're interested in her. Be respectful.
FaithInStrangers94 (OP) (▲ 3)
Thanks that was a helpful post... I actually need to build a mental connection to some degree before I want to get intimate.... apparently that makes me an aberration from most guys... but my issue is sometimes not being forward enough to signify that I'm really interested in them.
That last line is important... i need to remember that. I can get pretty sometimes "I'm tall and handsome and intelligent and I'm better quality than she is... why the fuck is she not even replying to me?" ... that sort of bullshit. I need to give myself a reality check every time I feel that way.
FreckledFauna (▲ 3)
Self-awareness is always a great quality to have. It sounds like you're on a good track, continue to give yourself space to learn and feel comfortable.
Venom-99 (▲ 1)
I think there's a significant amount of truth to this. I've had experiences that go both ways. I got a girl's number and texted back and forth for a while with her and all I did was go up to her, say hi, and ask for it. Other times, when I tried to make good conversation, I fell flat. I don't think I'm crazy good looking, but girls tell me that I'm attractive. Either way, being attractive and confident is a good baseline no matter what. Being clever and witty is a plus.
FaithInStrangers94 (OP) (▲ 1)
That's the issue isn't it... my whole thing is based on conversation... certain girls really love conversing with me and are drawn in... others find conversation boring... especially less "intelligent" girls or girls who just want fun that night.
But conversation has the risk of falling flat especially during a cold approach if you misjudge them or you're not in a situation where you can chat for very long. I guess being direct has the risk of a blunt rejection too though. I suppose you need to read the situation.
moosh812 (▲ 1)
I think it is both things. You should be yourself — while knowing that setting a girl at ease is the main objective for a first interaction. Your tone really is most crucial at first, so do not stress so much about what you say, rather if you're putting the girl at ease.
That is what women can sense — good intentions. "Will this be fun? Will he make me feel good, or will it be weird? Is he an asshole? Will he murder me?" She's trying to get all of that from a few lines of conversation.
Rejection will not hurt so bad when your seduction strategy is basically staying open to what you both feel without getting in your own way. If the vibes aren't working, don't take it personally, move on to someone else.
pistashyluv (▲ 1)
I work a barista job and get hit on quite often. It is a huge grievance to have someone lead with scripted small talk like "are you a student" "how old are you" blah blah blah. I know within 5 seconds if a man is trying to get to "can I take you out sometime", and in the meantime I am obligated to be friendly and entertain it because I am in a customer service role.
One time a worker at an arcade came up to me and said "Hey, I just want you to know that I think you're really cute, would it be alright if I got your number?" and it was the first time someone had been this direct and it was a breath of fresh air.
If you have 5 minutes to make an impression, don't. Just be bold and come straight out of the gate with it. "Hey I think you're cute. Idk if you're single or not, but if you are I'd love to get your number". If you have an opportunity to show them who you are over time, then be friendly and engage in conversation.
FaithInStrangers94 (OP) (▲ 2)
I'm starting to think you're right about how the direct approach is actually less creepy if you're respectful about it... at least if you've had some (even boring) conversation first it seems a bit more like you've taken their personality into account a bit more before asking.
pacg (▲ 1)
Now if I talk to a gal in line, like a cashier, I keep it short and a little sideways so at least she gets to hear something a little different. I might mention the rain outside and how it was a little rough driving to the store. She'll say something like yeah. Then I'll say I side swiped eleven cars getting here. She might say really?! I'll say no, of course not. I only hit ten. Then I'll grab my groceries, wish them a nice day and fuck off. I just like having a little fun interacting w people.