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[GUIDE] From Kissing to Sex - How to Build Tension and Get Naked with a Woman

Escalation & Calibration

https://web.archive.org/web/20250307220754/https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9wf1uh/6_simple_flirting_examples_that_create_sexual/

In another thread I wrote a comment on the topic and was asked to write a whole post about it, so here it is: The complete guide on how to get from kissing to sex.

When you're kissing a girl, you're already well on your way to getting intimate with her. Still it can be really hard to know the right moves, especially if you feel nervous or aren't very experienced sexually.

In this post I will tell you how to overcome your nervousness, develop sexual confidence and what to do precisely to get from kissing to sex.

There are three main components you're dealing with:

  1. Turning her on by doing the right things (how and where to touch kiss and move)
  2. Getting over your own nervousness and moving forward with conviction (the right mindset)
  3. Becoming a great lover and solving the main insecurities in bed (coming too early, not pleasing her, not getting an erection)

In order to turn a woman on, you have to build sexual tension. And you have to do it gradually.

Men and women are turned on quite differently. For us it's often enough to see a nice decollete or a beautifully shaped butt and we are ready to go. For a woman it can take a little longer.

Mindset - Of Beauty and Courage

As with every other area in life, in order to be successful the right mindset is the most crucial factor. I will give you a lot of moves and very concrete things to do. But without the right mindset, I wouldn't bother reading them.

The right mindset

In order to seduce a woman, you have to be a lover of women. You have to enjoy her beauty and presence. Otherwise what's the point in having sex with her? The good thing is: If you are a heterosexual man, this comes natural to you. Maybe you don't know it yet because you're too nervous and insecure. But if you're really turned on by women, don't worry, you will eventually enjoy having sex more than most other things on this planet! Your goal should be to enjoy and give pleasure.

Be present or in more practical terms: Pay attention to what's going on! Otherwise it would be impossible to see, taste, touch, smell and hear her beauty. Make sure you are there and it will be much easier to enjoy the process.

Respect her boundaries. Once you become present and really pay attention to what's going on, you will also notice when she feels uncomfortable. Even if you feel like you could push on and she would follow along, always give her all the time and space she needs. This will show her that she can trust you which will make it a lot easier to allow sexual arousal.

Give as much as you take. Another rule you have to follow to become successful in any area of life. Make sure you please her as much as you satisfy yourself.

What to do precisely to turn a woman on and move from kissing to sex?

So you've got the right mindset. You're in the moment, enjoying that beautiful creature, taking good care of her. Here are some concrete steps in order to get sexual with her.

As I already mentioned, it's a gradual process and sometimes you might take a step back before taking the next one forward.

Once you are kissing you have three tools to amp up the temperature: Touching, Kisses and positions. I'll give you some examples and progressions for each of them. I will only write about the things you have direct control over. Typically she will also start touching and undressing you or going down on you at some point.

Touching and kissing

Start exploring her body with your hands. Make sure you take it step by step. A potential progression could be:

  • Touching her hip and back, gently stroking her
  • Neck, side of her face, head. At some point you can become a little rougher with her hair. Most women enjoy a firm grip from time to time. I love to gently grab her hair from behind
  • Sliding your hand under her clothes while not touching intimate areas yet
  • Holding hands, maybe pinning her hands down over her head while kissing her if the dynamic is right
  • Touching her butt, pulling it into you depending on the position
  • Kissing, nibbling and gently biting her neck. For some women this is the ultimate turn on. You will know if she starts moaning right away. If she does, make sure you pay special attention to her neck for the rest of the night. You can always come back to the neck, also during sex.
  • Caressing her breasts. First just "accidentally" through her top, then more and more direct. At one point you can move up her top, start kissing the visible parts of her breasts, slide one hand into her bra, get her breast out and caress, kiss or gently bite her nipple. Now you're obviously inching closer and closer to sex. If she's sitting on top of you and wearing the right top or only a bra, you can also kiss your way down from her neck to her breasts.
  • If she's fine with that, remove her bra. Learn to open bras with one hand. You can order one or two cheap bras on Amazon to practice if you feel insecure about this. I certainly did. ;) You can also remove her bra downwards, moving the two straps down over her shoulders. This will expose her breast but the bra will still be around her waist.
  • Step by step get yourself and her comfortable with the idea of touching her pssy. First just touch her legs through her pants, at one point moving to the inside of her legs. You can also start touching the pssy area and do proper fingering movements through her pants. Then slide your hand into the back of her trousers. Then slide it in on the front, not going all the way down yet, just teasing. This will do a couple of things. It gives her time to get ready for sex and it will arouse her even more as you're teasing her without giving her everything at once. Always pay attention to her reaction. Her signs of arousal or resistance will tell you exactly what to do and when to wait.
  • At one point slide your hand into her panties. Once again take your time. Gently explore the area, make sure you create some space for your hand to move. First touch the sides of her labias. Then gently move into the centre. First of all you want to find out if she is already wet (which she will always be at this point unless you rushed it). Make sure you never stroke her clit or try to penetrate her with your fingers unless she's really wet. You can also use some spit on your fingers. Some vaginas are more inside and you have to open up the labias a bit to gently get access to her clit and entrance. Finger her and pay attention to her reaction. Your goal here is to find out what she likes. You can also ask her. Just a whispered "Like this?". Maybe she then shows you exactly how she likes being touched
  • At this point you should have removed most of her clothes. Make sure you do it step by step to avoid long breaks. When removing her pants or skirt and you have already fingered her before, you can also remove her panties.
  • If you like oral sex, now is the time. Most women love it.
  • Once you're both naked and have been exploring each other's bodies quite thoroughly, you should put on a condom. Never ever have sex without a condom if you're just getting to know each other. Make sure the condom is nearby, optimally in your bedside table but not visible to her before you get it out. Take your time putting on the condom completely but practice this to make sure it doesn't take more than ten seconds or so.
  • Now don't penetrate her right away. Start kissing her again and keep fingering her. Once again make sure she is really wet. You can always use some spit as well.
  • You can first penetrate her from various positions. I prefer missionary, her on top of me or spooning and penetrating her from behind (this one is the most difficult). Penetrate her bit by bit, making sure everything is nice and wet and you don't feel any resistance. It can take a minute or two until you have first penetrated her fully.

Here you go. Now enjoy the beauty of making love!

Often it's not a linear progression. You may become quite intimate before she needs a little break to process what's going on. Don't worry about this. It's not rejection. It's a sign that you're on track and she's getting ready for the next step.

Positions

  • Sitting or lying on the side facing each other is a great position for the early stages of getting intimate. You can kiss but also touch each other without having your whole bodies in contact with each other
  • Turning her on her back and kissing her from above while not moving completely on top of her is a slightly more dominant position. By dominant I don't mean that you're going to dominate her. I'm talking about sexual polarity. She's moving to a more submissive while you are moving to a more dominant position. At the same time it gets easier for you to touch most of her body and opening up her legs.
  • Sitting her on top of you is a lot more sexual because no matter how much clothes you're still wearing, both of you inevitably think of sex because you're in a sex position and your genitals basically touching each other.
  • Moving into missionary position. Once again this can be done fully dressed and automatically triggers an association with sex. I often first penetrate her from this position once we're naked.
  • Spooning: Spooning is a cool position in different contexts. You can just watch a movie together while giving her the feeling of taking good care of her or you can touch her breasts and p*ssy or even prepare to penetrate her from behind. I really like spooning right before having sex.

Also make sure you create the right atmosphere and are prepared for sex. I'm not going to go too much into this one. But here are a few pointers:

  • Make sure everything is clean and tidy, especially the living, bed- and bathroom
  • Create a relaxed atmosphere. Use cozy indirect lights and put on some nice music.
  • Always have a bottle of wine and some snacks ready
  • Deposit some condoms close to where you're going to initiate sex
  • If you're like me and enjoy outdoor sex, make sure you bring the equivalent of the above. Some blankets, cushions, snacks, drinks and condoms can turn a beach, viewpoint or just a field into the perfect date location

Becoming a great lover and solving common problems in bed

Here I'm just going to give you the three biggest problems men typically experience in bed and some solutions:

Coming too early: I was guilty of this one in my early days. The first time I had sex I don't think I lasted much more than a minute. And the next couple of women I slept with, didn't have too much time to enjoy our intimate connection either. I carried this insecurity into my mid twenties. But it can be solved quite easily: Breathe, slow down, stop or change positions. Simple as that. If you feel like you're gonna come, slow down or stop thrusting completely. She might not be ecstatic about that but she will definitely prefer it to one-minute sex. Also it will become easier the longer you have sex. Right after penetration you can typically come pretty much right away. After a couple of minutes you will have acclimatized a bit more. At some point it might even become hard to come at all.

Not getting an erection: I haven't experienced this one yet but I know it occurs mainly under two circumstances. When we get past our 30's and 40's our testosterone levels drop quite a bit. This will make it harder to get and maintain an erection. I would go and talk to a urologist if you're experiencing this problem. Also make sure you eat healthy and stay in shape. I once heard a cardiologist say that erectile problems are an early alert for heart disease as they can indicate unhealthy blood vessels. The second scenario is when we're not really turned on. This can be due to stress, bad sleep, an exhausting day or we are not really sexually attracted to the girl. Make sure you take good care of yourself and only get intimate with girls you really want to get intimate with.

Insecurity if we will be able to please her. Implicitly I have already talked about this insecurity. Basically you solve it by enjoying the presence of the beautiful woman you're with and taking good care of her. Always pay attention to the signals she's giving you and always move towards arousal. If you pay attention, she will show you exactly what you need to do to please her.

Here you have it. I never expected to write a guide on this topic. But I have felt and overcome many sexual insecurities in the past. Some of them have been with me for years. I hope this post can be a shortcut for some of you guys!

Let me know how it goes! ;)