4 Steps To Feel Fearless Approaching Women. Guaranteed!
Fuente
Post original de r/seduction (enlace pendiente de añadir)
Do you have these thoughts when you see a beautiful woman you want to approach?
I'm afraid she will reject me. I don't want to look foolish. I'm not good enough. I don't know what to say.
I had those same thoughts for YEARS! Thinking that way held me back from going after the women that I wanted in my life. The straw that broke the camel's back is when I was 17 or 18 years old and I went to a popular teenage club in Los Angeles with my buddies. We were standing at the bar area and there were 3 attractive girls standing a feet or two away from us.
I wanted to approach them so bad but no matter what I did nothing worked. No matter how much I tried to hype myself up or my friends tried to pressure me into approaching, nothing worked. All I could do was stare at those girls.
As the club was closing my friends and I were walking toward the valet and we ran into the same girls. The girl that I liked out of the three of them made eye contact with me. She turned to me and said, "I saw you staring at me by the bar. You know it is the brave guys that get all of the girls. You should have just talked to me."
BOOM! It was as if she threw a pitcher of cold water in my face. I was embarrassed, ashamed and felt like less of a man. From that point on I made a promise to myself that I would get the women and dating part of my life handled.
After years of figuring out what works and doesn't work to feel fearless when approaching women I finally figured out a process that works consistently.
If you go out and apply these steps you too will become fearless about approaching women. You want to do each step for an entire week so that you build the approach habit piece by piece rather than trying to get it all at once, which is overwhelming.
Step 1: Walk Towards Her – Week 1
Every woman that you are attracted to I want you to walk towards her. That is all that I want you to do, nothing else. You can do this for meeting women at night or during the day. The reason for this exercise is to condition your body to go towards women you want to talk to rather than away.
A lot of guys go the opposite way of a woman that they find attractive out of fear. You getting your body used to doing the opposite is going to help you get rid of your fear of approaching women.
Step 2: Stand Beside Her – Week 2
After you build the habit of walking toward the women you find attractive I want you to stand beside them. This is more suitable for nighttime environments but can be used during the day if she is at a crosswalk or inside a store. With this exercise you are getting used to being close to women that you find attractive. When you get this step down you are half way to becoming fearless when approaching women because all you have to do is turn your head toward her and open your mouth which leads us into the next step.
Step 3: Ask An Indirect Question – Week 3
Asking an indirect question is a great way to get used to talking to women without the pressure of keeping the conversation going or trying to seduce her.
A lot of guys feel that women they are attracted to won't even talk or acknowledge them which is simply not true, most will. If you are one of those guys this exercise will help you get that fallacy out of your head.
For women you want to approach during the day the indirect question you are going to ask is: "Do you know where the closest Starbucks is?" Whatever her answer, thank her and walk away. Don't try to keep the conversation going, that is not what you are trying to do as of right now.
For women you want to approach in bars and clubs the indirect question you are going to ask is: "What is a good drink you would recommend?" Again, whatever her answer, thank her and walk away.
Step 4: Give Her A Low Pressure Compliment – Week 4
When a lot of guys are finally able to approach a woman they compliment her in a way that puts too much pressure on the situation. Also it puts the woman on a pedestal which no matter what women say they simply aren't attracted to men who put them on a pedestal.
What most men say when they approach women they're attracted to is: "You are the most beautiful woman I have seen, you are gorgeous and you are stunning." You don't want to say those things to a woman you just met. Instead you want to be a little bit more low key which takes the pressure off of you and her.
Here is the low pressure compliment you are going to say for women you meet during the day:
"Excuse me, I know this is totally random but I saw you and I thought you looked really nice so I wanted to say hello. I'm X (Your Name)"
For women you want to meet at bars and clubs:
"Hello. You seemed like fun so I wanted to say hi. I'm X (Your Name)"
After you give those low pressure compliments you can simply walk away and go talk to other women you find attractive.
Bonus Step 1: Eye Contact
Eye contact is very important when talking to women. It builds sexual tension between you and the woman that you want to seduce and it shows your confidence.
Guys who have no or low confidence with women avoid giving them eye contact. Strong eye contact is a sub communication that you are confident.
There is a right way and the wrong way to do eye contact. When giving eye contact you don't want to keep it for the entire interaction with the woman you are talking to.
You want to give her direct eye contact for 20 to 30 seconds, break contact for 5 to 10 seconds then give her direct eye contact for another 20 to 30 seconds. You want to do this throughout the entire interaction. If you give her eye contact for long periods of time it can come off as creepy and make her uncomfortable.
Bonus Step 2: Get Rejected A Lot. Intelligently!
Getting rejected a lot is what is going to make you fearless when it comes to approaching women. Rejection is a good thing and here is why. It patches up holes in your boundary in the sense that you will no longer be afraid of hearing no from women.
You will get used to it and it won't affect you anymore. Another reason is you gain reference experiences and you will learn what works and doesn't work with women thus making you progress faster. This may sound crazy but you will want to get rejected because you will learn that the more rejection you get the more likely you will have the women in your life that you truly want.
When I say get rejected intelligently I mean having a strategy like the 4 steps I just showed you in order to fail forward which means learn from your failure. When most guys go out and try approaching women they go out with no plan and make the same mistakes over and over again never having any success. They then say, "This stuff doesn't work, what a scam!"
The reason they are failing is because they don't have a plan. Anything you want to be successful with in life you must have a plan or system that will help guide you down the right path. Without a plan you are a ship without a rudder, you are bound to be lost and never reach your destination.
Bonus Step 3: Approach 50 Women A Week. Minimum!
If you want to become fearless when approaching women as fast as possible then approaching 50 women a week minimum isn't an option. You must consistently do this in order to achieve your goal. I still do this even though I don't have to. I do this to keep my edge but you definitely need to do this if you are a beginner or an intermediate who wants to take your results to the next level.
In the beginning you are going to experience a lot of rejection so in order to offset that you need to approach a high volume of women. If you don't do this your progress will be very slow and you will more than likely quit. In order to do this I suggest going out 3 times a week. You could do Friday night (20 approaches), Saturday day (10-15 approaches) and Saturday night (20 approaches).
Use a digital timer app to keep track of your approaches and put them on an excel spreadsheet to track your consistency. Doing this will cut your learning curve by 6 months to a year and will get you laid faster. Now you won't have to keep this up the entire time you are getting this part of your life handled.
Eventually from approaching so many women you will start to become very skilled and you won't have to approach as many women. However I would strongly suggest you consistently approach 50 women a week for a year before stopping. Go out there and take action, fail, fail some more and take more action. You do that and I guarantee you will become fearless when approaching women.
Comentarios destacados
macroxela (▲ 323)
- Double meanings or sexual innuendos. Just don't make them derogatory.
- Flirting or compliments on something she wears, worked on or personality. They appreciate guys who notice the small things and observe more than just the physical.
- Be interested in her not just sexually but also in other aspects. Talk about a shared hobby.
- Touch her arm or hand. If she doesn't project any negative body language then move on to the shoulders & back. A hand resting on her shoulder or brushing your knees together also helps.
- Be yourself. Most women can tell when you put up an act. It takes a lot more confidence to be yourself than to pretend to be someone else. And that makes you more attractive.
Coconut-Lemon_Pie (▲ 88)
Am a woman. THIS is the best comment I've seen yet! Also want to add body language can say a LOT! Smiling, winking, making her laugh (bonus if you can do it without saying anything) and having a common sense of humor will make things effortless.
nukemycountry (▲ 50)
Yes. Also a woman. Wanted to add to the list. Good eye contact. Not creepy, but well timed, maybe the end of a joke, catch her eye, if your heart jumps then you're doing it right. Also teasing. Not bullying but light hearted little jokes about things she does you find endearing. Makes her feel cute.
160620throwaway (OP) (▲ 19)
Any tips on teasing? I think I suck at that and 'escalating' sexual tension
nukemycountry (▲ 56)
There's a fine line between being a dick and teasing and it very much depends on the girl's confidence. So you really do need to read the room with this one.
An example where I did the teasing and it worked out: I was on a second date with someone. He was big into nature and pointed out a rat he saw in a tree. He was really excited to show me this rat but I could not see it. So instead of letting the moment die I pretended to think he made the whole thing up. "oooh sure, you saw a rat did you? Well where's your proof, huh?"
He was amused and annoyed and it gave him an excuse to initiate a bit of contact by holding onto my shoulder and pointing into the bush and trying to line our heads up. Then later on I made reference back to "oh yeah just like that time you pretended to see a rat" and it brings back the banter and the tension.
It wasn't a direct comment on his body or personality, it was a shared experience and an opportunity to turn something mundane into a bonding moment. Nice and safe, no chance to take offence.
[deleted] (▲ 24)
And actually remembering things she has told you or mentioned before. Shows you are paying attention and are interested.
DonnaCecilia (▲ 12)
This is spot on. Especially the last paragraph. As a woman, rather than exciting, I find game repetitive and boring. Being spontaneous and comfortable in your own skin works best and shows you as a driven, high value man, which is a good first impression to make.
kanoo22 (▲ 328)
Asking her about herself. Anything she asks u she wants u to ask her. In my experience many men just talk about themselves.
MrsMordor (▲ 121)
WHY DONT THEY ASK QUESTIONS??? Is it because they have all they need to know from looking at her & know she needs to know more to size them up, so they just blab and posture like a sales pitch?
mermaid-babe (▲ 78)
Seriously. If I can't hold a conversation with them or I'm just asking them lots of questions... it's a turn off
tokerjoker7 (▲ 89)
This is weird, I have the exact opposite experience with women, they never ask questions and I'm trying to carry a convo. I'm still looking for these women that like to converse
Always-Training (▲ 41)
In the beginning, try to respond to their responses with open ended answers then. It gives them more leeway to ask you questions about yourself. I had this ridiculous habit where I would keep on asking questions when an awkward pause happened, but realized that the awkward pauses (or lulls) are a natural part of conversations.
JazzleRazzle (▲ 10)
One thing I noticed was that she never asked me personal questions but was forthcoming with her own personal life when asked. Turns out, she had been sleeping around with several dudes. The takeaway: Take note of how a woman is presenting herself to you and act accordingly. Don't overthink it.
MrColfax (▲ 3)
I agree with this but it may risk looking boring and unimaginative if you were to be asked by her "what pets do you have?" and you reply "a dog etc etc, what pets do you have?" then "what do you study?" "commerce, what do you study?" See my point? Sounds robotic.
Siyuen_Tea (▲ 15)
Be wary, women tend to find themselves boring and will instead project that on you if you let her talk too much. If she's not smiling, laughing and/or touching you, there's a very good chance she's bored and just venting on you.
[deleted] (▲ 17)
My problem is I'm the exact opposite to where I don't like to talk about myself. So I constantly ask them questions. Maybe I should talk about myself more...
nukemycountry (▲ 14)
Maybe don't talk about either of you. Talk about some kind of media or your environment or whatever. I'm so bored of the same 20 questions back and forth. Who cares what degrees we're doing. That's shit's both personal and meaningless.
DonnaCecilia (▲ 15)
This. Getting too personal too soon can be overwhelming and feel like a job interview. Better comment on random details (like the place decoration, the music, anything goes) to stay comfortable and keep it light-hearted and dynamic.
briannanechelle (▲ 7)
Don't take advice from other men. Don't be sexual at all, that's actually a HUGE turn off. Be yourself. Be confident but not cocky. Don't talk about yourself all the time. Actually ask her questions, good questions like "what are you passionate about?" Listen. Be engaging. Pay for things without hesitation. Take initiative. Lead.
Don't pressure for sex. Don't make conversation about sex, unless you're moving in the direction to have sex. Ask FIRST! "Is it okay if I kiss you?" "Are you comfortable if I...?" Communicate your intentions. Be honest. Be yourself. I cannot stress that enough. Don't try too hard. Don't be a dick.
kiimba (▲ 31)
I read this scientific article about the different way women and men feel about sex. Women NEED to feel desired. And that really resonated with me as a woman. I want men to chase, and then if they have desires for me that's a really manly thing and I like that.
[deleted] (▲ 17)
Not OP but I'd say text often, send random thoughts. Compliment us, we'll get the hint right away. Don't be afraid to start a deep convo, we like knowing how your brain works and how you think and feel. The closer we feel to a man emotionally the more we desire them.
[deleted] (▲ 4)
Gotta be careful though cause if we sense the guy is pushing and pulling that is a BIG red flag, esp for women who like to be straightforward.
tiverrend (▲ 191)
Many things, honestly. Besides being confident in what you say and who you are, don't be afraid to make flirty jokes/innuendos when you see an opportunity. Just sprinkle these here and there, as doing it all the time will start sounding creepy. Definitely look up innuendos and double-entendres to throw into conversation.
PartyMarty90 (▲ 35)
Teasing, flirting, being funny, being a little cocky or self deprecating, demonstrating higher value, stories or actions that show off your value and positive traits (intelligence, humor, confidence, success, your goals etc.)
160620throwaway (OP) (▲ 21)
Do you know where I could look to improve my teasing/flirting/being cocky and pretty much everything you mentioned? I think I struggle most with people who i dont consider in my main 'friend group' and I filter what I say
PartyMarty90 (▲ 11)
You just need to read the material and then practice. That's really all there is to it. Then just go out and practice. Talk to girls at the mall, bar, the street. Join clubs or classes, find opportunities to meet people. Be flirty and funny with every girl you meet, including servers, bank tellers, cashiers etc. With enough practice it starts coming naturally.
Apocolypse_Meow (▲ 3)
I pretend I'm Don Draper and it usually works. I use my deep voice, I talk a little slower than usual, the end of my sentences usually go up, and some light touching either on the arm or on the back.
If I don't know her that well, she may ask "what are you going to get?" And I'll say something like "well I think I've narrowed it down to three options" — and then I kind of touch her shoulder a bit and point to the menu with my other hand. At this point, she's more concerned with my hand on her shoulder than whatever I'm saying.
Hinting at sex is more powerful than talking about sex. Touching reminds people of sex. It has to be comfortable and easy for her to play along. You can't add a lot of pressure.
nukemycountry (▲ 4)
Somewhat unrelated, but if a new girl seems to enter into your friend group for whatever reason. Talking to her and making her feel welcome is one hell of a strong move. Then when the trust is there turn up the heat. Bam. Gets me every time.